I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Randomize
