I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
