Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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