bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
