She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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