oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize