And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
