is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
