Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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