We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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