So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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