But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
