I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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