CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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