...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
