Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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