he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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