Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The power of my boobs compel you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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