and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
