he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
