how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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