We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
