I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
