Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Green mimosas i think yes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
