I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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