you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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