piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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