i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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