Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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