I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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