Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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