and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
