remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
