We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize