...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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