I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
