my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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