Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
