guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
