Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
