It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
