i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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