Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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