I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
