That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
