All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
