just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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