i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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