Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
