i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
