First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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