Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
