I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
