i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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