Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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