I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
