Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
