Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
