I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
