the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
