so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What a dumb baby whore.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
