You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
