she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize