I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
as a side note pls kill me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
