i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
