Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
