i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
