my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
