Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
