His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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