Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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