she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
