doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
