No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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