I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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