hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
