carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
