She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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