when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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