good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
